Mood:  lucky

i would have never guessed that i would see him this morning and not only did i see him, but i finally had sex after around a 3 week dry spell. it was wonderful, no i didn't cum, but i still get these feelings in my vag. i can still feel the feelings of sex well after actually having sex, it's weird. anyway, we made out alot......which was cool. i told him that i still might do it with anthony. he sounded disappointed or maybe i just want him to be disappointed, idk. and i was telling him about how i didn't want a relationship and he said that he does and i suck cuz i don't. i don't want a relationship because he's the only person that i want to be with and i can't so yeah. my knees are slightly swollen, lol. i wish that he would have let me keep the polo. i want an article of his clothing. random i know. i would give anything to be with him again, anything for another chance with him. but that just isn't possible. well with one boy out of the way, i need to focus on the other one, anthony or rather aj. i'm so excited. i haven't kissed him in over a year, i can't wait. anthony is nice and all, but i can't find it in my heart to care for or love him nearly as much as i do carlos or did, i'm not sure. i just saw him about 5 or 6 hours ago and i already miss him. it's like he has me in a trance, a daze. he is my crystal meth.